Dear Future Husband,

i smiled the other day


I want to miss you the way a girlfriend misses her man when he’s out of town. And she is sleeping with his sweater.

But she complains because it’s not the same. And she realizes how spoiled she has been and she fears that she has lost herself and she just has to pray and then it all comes back with joy and ease and she has to send a text instead of telling him face to face about her experience.

Oh god, I hope that my recent obstacles are not a reflection of yours.

If they are, I’m sorry and I love you.

Know that I’m with you that I think of you every day that I hold you in my heart and my dreams and my wishes.

If you cannot read this, know that I will read this to you once we’ve settled into faith that love does win.

(It does.)

If you feel alone ever, please think of me dream of me talk to me as if we have already found each other.

Even if you cannot picture my face, on some level, I am there.

I promise not to introduce myself to you as your future wife.

I promise to always put your free will choices before my ego needs.

I promise that your try is everything I’ve been dreaming of for years.

If we could compare notes right now, I hope that mine are filled with more anxiety and sadness.

I ask for your highest and best every time you cross my mind. And I have faith that this is meant to be.

Sometimes I joke that I’ll never find you in the romance section of my local second hand book store.

The truth is, I feel that a distance needs to be crossed to find you.

And I don’t know where to look.

I miss feeling like there was a finish line right around the corner and that you’d be waiting.

I want to miss you the way a person makes two cups of coffee before she remembers that you’re not in bed sleeping.

I’m sorry that I ever expected you to be at my finish line. I’m sorry I got so angry when you weren’t there. I’m sorry that I struggle to take risks sometimes.

I’m sorry that I feel bitter some days having to face this world alone. It’s not your fault.

I wish my heart could shine so bright that lighthouses wonder if a new shoreline has been created.

My light for you, for all you need, for all you do. My light to shine a path to me if you choose to head this way.

I love you.

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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