good luck to us all

how could you not believe this would affect me?


I never stop beating the drum, you know, like some minutes I feel like I want to and some hours I get distracted

But I never stop beating the drum

God, Jesus, help me release resistance to healing

I deserve to be healed free loved peaceful

I’m wholehearted I do my best God knows this but some minutes it’s difficult to convince my other selves

That part of me who needs a challenge the kind of challenge I know I can meet

Why else did we come here if we weren’t bored, right? I mean, fuck, if everything “up there” was so perfect beautiful, really the nirvana they tell us it is, then why the hell have we chosen to come here?

In one form or another, I’ve been asking that question for more than sixty years in this lifetime alone.

The stillness must have been boring. That’s the best answer I can believe in.

And I will send you my grace even when I’m exhausted – don’t doubt that or we’ll be stuck here forever

And I will allow you to hear my thoughts even when I’m in dire need of privacy, safe spaces

All I have desired in my less hearted moments, those pieces of me that are amygdala-challenged, is to understand and to be understood.

I had tea with Willy Shakes once. What a thrill. If that’s not why we’re here, I don’t know what even.

When I think about my future, part of me is certain that I will learn from others’ mistakes.

Where I come from, aging sex addicts that masquerade as closet polyamorists start to fade a bit when the realization that there’s more to life punches them in the face.

Those who are aware. Those who are not don’t really have much of a chance, you know, bc we are here to grow.

Even the octopus knows that. Some do, anyway.

In one of his best euphemisms, he told me that he had stopped gambling because he believed that he could beat the house.

It wasn’t meant for me, but the person it was meant for didn’t understand that it was a reference to arrogance.

And I will bring you my light bc it’s not here solely for me

because I don’t own it

And I will give you this light until I know for sure that you have chosen to believe that you have become the sooted up insides that fog your sight

even a while after

it’s why I’m here

I’m learning, though, that there is a difference between role and identity

I can no longer identify with these roles when they deplete my energy

somehow i believe you won’t hate me for it – just yourself

there’s more there’s more there’s more

here for us on this plane in these bodies

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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