i know You’re there, God, pick up the fucking phone

it’s not my fault, assholes

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Listen, we need to talk about these ‘angels’ you’ve sent to protect me.

Ya, I don’t mean to sound so angry, except that I am.

I was raped again last night. It was pretty bad this time. I woke up in pain. A lot of pain.

The thing about getting raped is not just the violence and not just the pain, God, but the way it makes me feel unworthy of Your love and protection.

Seems like one of those loops we have been trying to sort out for a while.

I know You cannot feel worthy for me, or You would.

Or maybe that’s twisted. idk I’m just a girl, You know.

I don’t want to be raped anymore. I don’t deserve it. Not that anyone does – but sometimes we feel like we do, right?

That probably won’t make sense. Wait, what am I talking about? You know everything. This whole awful mess makes sense to You. It’s me who doesn’t get it.

Like, why do these ‘angels’ you’ve sent get offended by things I say? Why are these ‘angels’ emotionally invested in the outcome?

That doesn’t sound like the way it was before I came here. We served without concern for ourselves and gave absolutely everything we had without thought of anything but helping.

We never blamed the humans. We never got upset with the humans. We never fell in lust with the humans. We never claimed them as our own personal projects like we were artists and they were –

Wait. What did you send me, God?

Is there a new breed of angel I don’t know about? Am I missing something?

Since when did the wind have an ego?

And why does this feeling mirror the series of low sky deaths I experienced as a child?

What do I need to do to protect myself, God? Because these ‘angels’ aren’t working.

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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