How I Walked Through My Fears of Trump as President 

That gentle voice within saying it will be okay is real

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Here are some things that I’m grateful for in my uncertainty about the future:

Walking unaccompanied on an early November evening in light rain conspicuous in my femaleness

Having pretty unlimited access to luxuries like chocolate and organic grapes and fresh water

Being able to voice my opinions under my name using my actual face without fear that I will be jailed or tortured or followed home and raped

Living in a society which allows each individual to have beliefs about themselves, which directly impacts their beliefs about others, and honours universal law

Having a place to go for free where I can get relatively uncensored access to the information that is available

The knowledge that I create my own experience

My faith that love is stronger than fear

My faith that choosing peace and being a role model of lovingkindness in action to all of my fellow humans makes a difference – a real difference – each time I make that choice

The realization that no matter how many times I have scorned myself for fucking up and giving into fear, it was just taking away one single moment, one single action, one single thought of compassion and love

The freedom to choose what I eat and where, limited only by my financial means and past patterns when unchecked

This pen and piece of paper

My heart

My freedom to make choices

You guys, since the USA presidential vote three weeks ago, I have sometimes felt so much fear that my brain starts rolling reels from every fucking WWII movie ever made.

There is so much fear being pumped out right now, but no mainstream broadcast about how the wholehearted and the conscious and the people who choose love over fear every day because of their personal experiences can and will lead us through this.

That the gentle voice inside of you saying that it will be okay is real.

Here’s an example of the fear that has snaked its way through me, and how I have shut it down:

Since we have created a situation (yes, all of us) where the future is a building block, a pristine and beautiful opportunity for authentic change, rather than history repeating itself, the uncertainty of how we will be affected nags at me.

We’ve seen how history worked out under certain rule. But that is over. It does not have to nor will it repeat itself.

Yet, that’s the reel in my head – WWII.

(Never mind the fact that Hitler was very skilled at pretence, and did not run on a platform of hatred.)

Even with this knowledge, my fears fight to be heard.

Now, when I walk by a stranger who is not a white male, I wonder, what can I do to help that person be safe?

Now, when I look at my friends and my family members who are not white males, I think, how far will I have to go to fight?

I ask God, what’s the best way to do this?

And then I look in the mirror.

Shit. I’m a woman. The President-elect of America hates women.

And I go right back to the WWII movies.

My thoughts turn to how I can be a positive, calming role model and leader in an internment situation.

Will my daughter be safest with me or a trusted male?

My fears babble on… I mean, if we are going to be interred, will we also be tortured and murdered?

I get the sense, as a highly sensitive person, that we will not allow it to go as far as murder, and murder isn’t even really on Trump’s agenda, nor was it ever.

That agenda comes from a group that loudly supports him.

But I’m still unsure of walls and I’m not positive that internment won’t be repeated, in my fear.

So, in my nightmares, I have my daughter with me as we are forced to go with the nice man with the gun.

And what if, God forbid, these men – not allowed to kill us, but not held to any moral standard of humanity, if you know what I mean – somehow catch wind of my personal opinions about the definition of true courage?

What if, God forbid, anyone in these hells recognizes my potential for leading a rebellion against the racist, misogynistic agenda that spawned this imagined internment?

Will they even let me in or will they kill me before I arrive?

Should I stop writing online and erase everything in case I need to blend in as regular woman-folk who misogynists see as incapable and therefore non-threatening?

Should I be quiet and play dumb, waiting for the best moment to jump out and yell, Got ya, fuckers!?

No.

Because I know and so do they that if they try to silence me or make an example of me, their actions will give undeniable credibility to my beliefs.

As soon as they give credibility to my beliefs, it makes it real in the mind of others, and they will have a full fledged revolt on their hands.

Electoral college or not, the popular vote went against racism and misogyny and hatred.

There are more of us then there are of them.

And in spiritual truth, there is no’us’ and no ‘them’. We are all one.

And all of my fears fall out.

The sneaky hidden racism has been outted.

The sneaky hidden misogyny has been outted.

The sneaky hidden homophobia has been outted.

I fully believe that not every human who voted for Trump is racist or misogynistic or homophobic.

I fully believe that many unhateful people marginalized by poverty voted for him despite his racism and other hatred.

I fully believe that these people never once believed that Trump would make good on his rants about building walls and killing women’s rights.

These are the same people who would give me (and you) their last five bucks if they saw me begging on the streets.

I know this in my heart to be true.

These people don’t want to see us harmed. These people will stand up against violence that they know as violence.

These people, along with those who voted against Trump, are good people trying their best to make their way through a system that has left them and their families with little to nothing.

So, I say to my fears, fuck off.

So, I say to the media trying to increase revenue, fuck off.

So, I say to the trolls who want to spread hate in an environment they feel is conducive to hate, hey, you are the minority now and I know that’s terrifying but things have to change.

We’re going to be okay.

The sooner we collectively release the illusion of fear about what might happen and tap into that real core of love and peace, the sooner this will be over.

Oh, universe, you challenge me to find peace within chaos? Challenge accepted.

No person will be left behind.

Each person must take action, and I believe that each person will take action.

Don’t wait to take action against something you believe is wrong.

Take action now by doing one thing to reduce the suffering of any person.

Tell the universe now that you choose love.

We’ve chosen authenticity, and now it’s time to choose love.

Real love has four components:

kindness
compassion
inclusion
joy

Your heart will tell you where to start.

I believe in you. And I love you.

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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