How To Love an Aware Empath Who’s Been Hurt

wholehearted lost letters


Don’t bullshit her. Be yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes because she wants that room, too.

Being an aware empath trumps her fear every time, and if she senses that you are placating her or holding something back, she will know.

That’s okay, though, because you don’t have to be fully transparent all up front at once just to keep her from running away. She trusts that there are authentic reasons to reveal in increments. She is smart enough with time, perspective and grounding to decide for herself if the holding back is out of need for privacy or dignity (maybe even happy surprises who knows) or if the holding back is a hurt waiting coiled in your belly, and whether that hurt punches or sits silently waiting to be noticed and held, or maybe just silently witnessed.

Give her the time and space she needs to figure this out all by herself – do what you need to do to relieve your anxiety that she might bolt.

If she bolts, take a deep breath. When she loves you, she’s not running from you. Ever. She’s running from the possible pain, the hurt that she sees coming (possibly in a way that you won’t be able to predict – sorry) and she can’t deal in the moment, stuck on fear that this pain will be as bad as the rest. Or worse.

She will come back. Don’t make her feel ashamed for running. She’s already done that herself. But don’t make excuses for bad behaviour – regardless of whether it’s an old learned pattern or out of terror. Don’t excuse the behaviour that hurts. Allow her the credit of being a good person who wants to make up for the way she has hurt. To not be like the ones who have hurt her.

Get to know her animals as she lets you in and introduces you. Often, she is the girl who doesn’t have enough space for a dog but she talks to geese and ducks and hawks and owls and robins with their beautiful proud chests.

She will ask the geese about you. If you’re the one, don’t fear what they will tell her. Geese are better than dogs at sniffing out authenticity.

Bring her a bouquet of oak leaves from your backyard, your favourite park. Bring her to the ocean and walk with her along the shore.

Give her your exclusive number and invite her to use it. Create space for her in your life.

When she is ungrounded, check her eyes. Unlock her higher self with the key that you possess. Look into her eyes. Hold her gaze until she comes home.

When you’ve bonded, she will ask you to check her breath for traces of liquorice. And black leg hoses.

Don’t make her feel like a baby when she needs you to snuggle her without sticking your tongue down her throat. If your arms work the way she hopes they do, this need will be met quickly and easily. And she’ll be herself with more and more ease and grace.

It’s okay to be offended or hurt if some of the things she needs from you are painful or make you feel like she doesn’t trust you when there is absolutely no valid reason for her to not trust you.

Tell her. Don’t treat her like a fragile blown glass statue. Tell her how you feel. She is not a queen. There is space for you, too. She feels better when she knows that your needs are being met in a relationship.

Be yourself and she’ll be herself and she promises to leave room for mistakes and fear and awkward days and not knowing what you are both doing – space makes it easier for you to find each other again.

When you’re ready, introduce her to your animals. You never know, they may already know each other.

Make plans. As in, a plan for something to do together so that she doesn’t have to make the plans. They don’t have to be the kinds of plans where she would have to dress up. She likes to go for walks. On day trips. She likes to be with nature.

She does like to indulge in fancy things occassionally, but she can’t pay half right now so you’ll have to figure out how to help her feel comfortable all on your own because she hasn’t worked that out yet.

Maybe no big things for at least six months.

Don’t rely on shortcuts to help you keep her heart feeling safe. Shortcuts make her feel unsafe. She is aware of the subtleties of how certain shortcuts superimpose free will.

You have what it takes to keep her heart safe. And that doesn’t mean never making mistakes. You can keep her heart safe and never use one shortcut, because she loves you and that creates a buffer that no other man will have the honour of sitting with. Don’t take advantage of it and everything will be okay.

If, for whatever reason, the way you have learned has to do with taking advantage of buffers, don’t worry, there’s room to work through that if you genuinely want to work through it. Because she loves you. And she understands what it means to have some bad habits in trying to love.

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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