we look different down here

this is surrender

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five years in comparison to a lifetime is almost nothing

but if we’re looking at lifetimes, how do we frame the last forty

can we say that i loved as much and as well as anyone, and what does that mean, considering the way so many of us love

This isn’t why I came here. It’s not why you came here either. The difference is, I know it, and that’s how my heart breaks.

in the mornings, before i get any messages, my heart is open

when I try to live on this plane with this heart, I sink

because we’re all connected and most of us are walking ocean floors

you might believe in separation, but i never have

i never had the luxury

i walk the ocean floors, elbows linked, because i know what lonely does to a heart

i know how dead air shapes the lines on a face

i know what fear of self does to a person, even well into a life

i know how choices pile up into tangible knots that bleed, and how the faintest scent calls in predators

i know that holding my breath doesn’t always work

i know the terror of oilspill ducks who were not chosen for the soap commercials

and with all that i know, it’s what i don’t know that keeps me tied

what i haven’t known leaves me here in the weight of limits

if i have loved as much and as well as any, what hope can i salvage that more is real

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently studying psychology. My odd way of viewing the world either gets me kicked out of parties or invited to them. Jenn McKay

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