Forgive My Bluntness

but i need to know


God, why have You put me through hell? This half-hell, this place where it’s all desert and no green without human love.

What have I done to deserve such punishment, this tying of hands, this putting me at the mercy of humans to be loved, to succeed, to grow a garden, to wake and stay awake rather than sink again and again into Sheol – dark nothingness where no good exists?

What have I done to deserve this punishment at the hands of humans who are fragile and susceptible to manipulation when You know part of my suffering has not only been getting gassed but the horror of being forced to watch others get gassed and mourn their ‘passing’?

Why have I been tortured only to fight to learn to trust again only to awaken to the betrayal of more people I have trusted? Why must I walk the charnel grounds, stay locked in this Graveyard Tour only because You made it so I cannot find grass alone?

Why have You paired me with humans who cannot fight this unjust mindfuck?

God, show me, please, what have I done to deserve this no-win fate? Where my ability to fulfil my divine life purpose rests on other people, specific people, people who have betrayed me by taking away my only chance at success because the were angry because of something the devil did to create chaos?

Why did You put me at the mercy of people who can be affected by satan yet are unwilling to be affected by You, God, Abba Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit?

Show me the way out, for there must be one, there must!

Show me and I will do what You ask Abba Father. Thy will be done, Almighty God, not mine nor any other person’s.

In Jesus name I pray, I plead with my broken heart as open as I can stand.

Author: tendrilwise

Hi, I have a diploma in Journalism, I've published a novel, and I am currently working on another one. I’m a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I write fiction and poetry focused on themes of CPTSD, trauma, grief, healing and the light that comes after the darkness. I love Jesus. Jenn McKay

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