Dear God Dear Jesus,
I confess I’ve been holding a grudge against my sister. I confess I’ve been trying to deal with this on my own. I confess what I’ve tried hasn’t worked. I confess I need Your help.
O Sovereign God, the one who sent me, I surrender to Your will. Search my heart for unforgiveness. Please soften and open my heart, God. Please purify my heart. Help me see the situation through your eyes. Help me find compassion for myself and my sister.
I confess to You Abba Father, that while being raised in a secular home, I learned to do things with my spiritual gifts that went against Your will.
Growing up in a family of intuitive people, we got tangled together in emotions and thoughts and beliefs and spirit too maybe. I confess I thought it was normal for people who loved each other to share thoughts. And because of my big heart, God, I have loved a lot of people. I thought communicating through thoughts was what everyone did, so I think I ‘spoke’ directly to people’s spirit (aka higher self in New Age terms) without going through You God. I see now that is really not okay and I’m so sorry.
As a child, I felt discarded by each person I believed to be a witness of things I experienced, because I would call out for help in my mind but get no response. And there was the experience of feeling like I had been heard by someone, only to feel betrayed a day or week or even years later when I realized promises made about helping me weren’t going to be kept. I never imagined that the people I was ‘talking’ to couldn’t hear me because we were never really connecting.
Loneliness has been my greatest weakness, God, and the enemy has exploited that by bringing false love to me and by convincing me I’m not good enough for true love and that false love will at least keep me from being lonely. Satan lied. But I believed it.
I humbly come to You asking for forgiveness for everything I’ve done that has caused pain and suffering to myself and others while pursuing my desire for false love. I ask you, God who sent me here, to nail this flesh, this worldly desire, to the cross. I’m sorry I disappointed you. Please give me Your strength to put this sin to death, because I can only be successful with the power of Holy Spirit in me.
Please forgive me, God, for using my spiritual gifts in ways that did not please You. Bring me a supernatural understanding of how I have misused my spiritual gifts and a very clear supernatural understanding of Your will for my next steps to align myself fully with Your will.
Please help me love, honour and worship you, God Who brought me here, both in spirit and in truth. I’m sorry for any way I have done wrong because I haven’t worshiped You in spirit and in truth.
Show me how to do better.
God, I confess I’m kind of scared to ask for clarity in all things I‘m holding against my sister. I confess, I have felt like a failure as a big sister, though we’re both adults now, and we were only 20 moths apart. I confess this feeling has created a huge blind spot for me.
Mom always called us Irish twins. And I spent my childhood wishing I had a twin. My sister and I didn’t get along that well as kids. Even as teens.
But when one of my best friends started dating my sister, things changed. We were a group of friends that spent the whole weekend together, and as many weeknights together as possible. When my sister and my friend got serious, they both spent more time with us. We didn’t start getting along 100% right away… I remember we got into a huge fight before my novel was published. We stopped talking. I was so angry with her, I wondered if I should leave her off the thanks page. I considered it because I was that mad and childish. But in the end, I decided it was really awful to leave her name out. The fight was temporary and the thank you page was permanent. And then the fight got worse. And worse. Until I believed that I would never talk to her again.
God, I’m sorry I left my sister’s name off the thank you page of my novel. I confess I did this out of spite because I felt really hurt. If I was not being childish, the page would have included the name Kate, or Katie, because that’s my sister’s name. Please forgive me for my pettiness. I truly wish now that I could go back in time and change my mind. But I also trust that everything happens for a reason. And that God has a plan to use everything for good, eventually.
After my friend and my sister started living together, we spent more time together. And then, before they got married, my ex-common-law partner and I bought a house down the street from them. We became inseparable as a foursome.
We still had our fights, though. Some really big ones. I ended up not going to her destination wedding. And when I told her that my common-law marriage of 17 years was ending, her response was, “Well you need to know that I’m not going to stop inviting him to my house. He and my husband are best friends. He’s my kid’s uncle.”
I told her that I didn’t even think of asking her that. I said I wasn’t asking her to take sides.
And I was shocked. Because I had literally just told her that I had to leave my ex. That was her whole response.
For a really long time, God, I confess that I held a grudge about that. I couldn’t understand how she could have been so cold. I was hoping for a hug or some other support.
And she didn’t come around or call to support me or my daughter. Even when she knew that our entire group of friends had stopped talking to me because it got really bad between me and my ex before I left, and nobody wanted to get involved. Bros before hoes.
I was really angry at her for that. I called her one night during the first summer of being a single mom and I yelled at her for not supporting me.
We didn’t speak for about a year. And then we had lunch to catch up. She was warm and caring and supportive and loving. She had just had a baby, so I automatically attributed this tenderness to that. I trusted her. I confided in her that I was in love. I confided in her that I believed in miracles. I made a comment about the possibility that love would fall right out of the sky one day.
And then, a few years later, we had made up but still didn’t hang out, there came a day I had to stop talking to my parents. I was concerned about not telling her why because I worried about her safety. When I told her that I had stopped speaking with our parents because our dad had been violent with me when I was young, she said, “Good luck with that.” We haven’t spoken since.
Abba Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup of suffering from us. Yet we want Your will to be done, not ours.
Please shine Your pure and brilliant light through everything and everyone involving this relationship. Please illuminate patterns that need to be healed. Please gift me a clear supernatural understanding of the blessings and lessons so I can take the steps You clearly guide me to take in order to heal these long-standing patterns.
Please cleanse my heart of anything that is not You. Please help us all experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully, so we can be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Have mercy on us God who brought us here, for we know not what we do.
Help me be willing to forgive and to no longer withhold forgiveness from my sister. Please help me feel gratitude for all I’ve learned. Let the truth prevail.
God, I pray for the salvation of my sister Katie’s soul. I pray for the salvation of my soul. Abba Father, I pray that You bring divine blessings healing and protection to everyone and everything involving this situation – especially the children – and i ask that You let nothing interfere with divine will.
I ask for miracles divine intervention divine intercession full divine support so that the will of the one true God is done.
Please bring peace to our hearts and our minds and our strength and our souls, God. Thank You for sending Holy Spirit to everyone and everything involving this situation, including patterns that need to be healed, to glorify You. So that truth and love prevail.
I love You God