How I Walked Through My Fears of Trump as President 

That gentle voice within saying it will be okay is real

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Here are some things that I’m grateful for in my uncertainty about the future:

Walking unaccompanied on an early November evening in light rain conspicuous in my femaleness

Having pretty unlimited access to luxuries like chocolate and organic grapes and fresh water

Being able to voice my opinions under my name using my actual face without fear that I will be jailed or tortured or followed home and raped

Living in a society which allows each individual to have beliefs about themselves, which directly impacts their beliefs about others, and honours universal law

Having a place to go for free where I can get relatively uncensored access to the information that is available

The knowledge that I create my own experience

My faith that love is stronger than fear

My faith that choosing peace and being a role model of lovingkindness in action to all of my fellow humans makes a difference – a real difference – each time I make that choice

The realization that no matter how many times I have scorned myself for fucking up and giving into fear, it was just taking away one single moment, one single action, one single thought of compassion and love

The freedom to choose what I eat and where, limited only by my financial means and past patterns when unchecked

This pen and piece of paper

My heart

My freedom to make choices

You guys, since the USA presidential vote three weeks ago, I have sometimes felt so much fear that my brain starts rolling reels from every fucking WWII movie ever made.

There is so much fear being pumped out right now, but no mainstream broadcast about how the wholehearted and the conscious and the people who choose love over fear every day because of their personal experiences can and will lead us through this.

That the gentle voice inside of you saying that it will be okay is real.

Here’s an example of the fear that has snaked its way through me, and how I have shut it down:

Since we have created a situation (yes, all of us) where the future is a building block, a pristine and beautiful opportunity for authentic change, rather than history repeating itself, the uncertainty of how we will be affected nags at me.

We’ve seen how history worked out under certain rule. But that is over. It does not have to nor will it repeat itself.

Yet, that’s the reel in my head – WWII.

(Never mind the fact that Hitler was very skilled at pretence, and did not run on a platform of hatred.)

Even with this knowledge, my fears fight to be heard.

Now, when I walk by a stranger who is not a white male, I wonder, what can I do to help that person be safe?

Now, when I look at my friends and my family members who are not white males, I think, how far will I have to go to fight?

I ask God, what’s the best way to do this?

And then I look in the mirror.

Shit. I’m a woman. The President-elect of America hates women.

And I go right back to the WWII movies.

My thoughts turn to how I can be a positive, calming role model and leader in an internment situation.

Will my daughter be safest with me or a trusted male?

My fears babble on… I mean, if we are going to be interred, will we also be tortured and murdered?

I get the sense, as a highly sensitive person, that we will not allow it to go as far as murder, and murder isn’t even really on Trump’s agenda, nor was it ever.

That agenda comes from a group that loudly supports him.

But I’m still unsure of walls and I’m not positive that internment won’t be repeated, in my fear.

So, in my nightmares, I have my daughter with me as we are forced to go with the nice man with the gun.

And what if, God forbid, these men – not allowed to kill us, but not held to any moral standard of humanity, if you know what I mean – somehow catch wind of my personal opinions about the definition of true courage?

What if, God forbid, anyone in these hells recognizes my potential for leading a rebellion against the racist, misogynistic agenda that spawned this imagined internment?

Will they even let me in or will they kill me before I arrive?

Should I stop writing online and erase everything in case I need to blend in as regular woman-folk who misogynists see as incapable and therefore non-threatening?

Should I be quiet and play dumb, waiting for the best moment to jump out and yell, Got ya, fuckers!?

No.

Because I know and so do they that if they try to silence me or make an example of me, their actions will give undeniable credibility to my beliefs.

As soon as they give credibility to my beliefs, it makes it real in the mind of others, and they will have a full fledged revolt on their hands.

Electoral college or not, the popular vote went against racism and misogyny and hatred.

There are more of us then there are of them.

And in spiritual truth, there is no’us’ and no ‘them’. We are all one.

And all of my fears fall out.

The sneaky hidden racism has been outted.

The sneaky hidden misogyny has been outted.

The sneaky hidden homophobia has been outted.

I fully believe that not every human who voted for Trump is racist or misogynistic or homophobic.

I fully believe that many unhateful people marginalized by poverty voted for him despite his racism and other hatred.

I fully believe that these people never once believed that Trump would make good on his rants about building walls and killing women’s rights.

These are the same people who would give me (and you) their last five bucks if they saw me begging on the streets.

I know this in my heart to be true.

These people don’t want to see us harmed. These people will stand up against violence that they know as violence.

These people, along with those who voted against Trump, are good people trying their best to make their way through a system that has left them and their families with little to nothing.

So, I say to my fears, fuck off.

So, I say to the media trying to increase revenue, fuck off.

So, I say to the trolls who want to spread hate in an environment they feel is conducive to hate, hey, you are the minority now and I know that’s terrifying but things have to change.

We’re going to be okay.

The sooner we collectively release the illusion of fear about what might happen and tap into that real core of love and peace, the sooner this will be over.

Oh, universe, you challenge me to find peace within chaos? Challenge accepted.

No person will be left behind.

Each person must take action, and I believe that each person will take action.

Don’t wait to take action against something you believe is wrong.

Take action now by doing one thing to reduce the suffering of any person.

Tell the universe now that you choose love.

We’ve chosen authenticity, and now it’s time to choose love.

Real love has four components:

kindness
compassion
inclusion
joy

Your heart will tell you where to start.

I believe in you. And I love you.

Harsh Truths About Why We Still Blame the Victim and Why We Should Stop

and the cost of collusion

Each time we blame the victim, we’re supporting a system and culture which nurtures violence.

We’re still stuck, on many levels, in hunter-gatherer mode.

Typically it is the fairer sex who reports rape, which means we’re trying to resolve big non-gender-specific issues like consent and violence from within the singular, thick lens of a dichotomy that has deep, deep roots in a power imbalance.

At its best, the power imbalance looks like a sick symbiotic relationship:

‘Hey, darlin’, you can’t be alone in the wild. I want to protect you.’

‘Oh, thank you, I don’t want to be scammed or thieved or raped or tortured or murdered and chopped into pieces. But what can I offer in return?’

Wink. ‘We’ll think of something.’

And then we’re on our hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor with bleach and a toothbrush.

The power imbalance is not biological. It does not come from different needs or physical strength or socioeconomic potential.

It springs from a belief that women are less than men.

Because when there is a natural imbalance (physical strength, for example) that’s not exploited, its not violent.

People who exploit others do so because they feel superior.

This lens of men holding more value than women is having a great impact on how rape cases are tried.

I’m going to guess, based on logical extension, that convicting a (valued) man based on allegations (regardless of whether they are true) made by people considerably less valuable than him is terribly distressing because of all he has to offer.

Plus, that whole ‘omg that could have been me in college and I can’t imagine my life now if I had to go to jail for that one time I pushed it’ sympathetic response.

So, because of this imbalance, when we have victims (women) on the stand, they better be the most credible as fuck upright citizens in the world. And if that woman has a history of having sex, or of being date raped and not reporting it, or has ever posed for a questionable photo online, forget it.

We won’t ruin a valued man’s whole fucking life for some soiled woman.

We won’t label a valued man violent or savage, which will haunt him for the rest of his life, unless there’s no other option.

Because of these fears, rape was believed to be about taboo sexual mishaps between two consenting adults. Rape wasn’t labeled violent in Canadian law until 1982. But the belief about rape not being assault is quite rooted.

We’re just now starting to discuss consent in an informed way, which goes a long way toward support for victims.

But who is impacted by creating a culture of support toward victims?

I guess if you want to maintain an edge, the upper hand of a power imbalance where, for example, you can coerce or manipulate a woman into a sexual act to avoid the potential embarrassment of rejection, then you have to stick with the belief that rape isn’t violent. Or, oh boy, there would be serious cognitive dissonance.

When rape is viewed from a greater perspective, leaving behind the thick lens of gender inequality, it’s easier to see that rape is not about sex.

It’s not an oops, singular moment of putting sexual ‘needs’ before the human rights of a female non violent minor incident.

It’s an, omg, we need to preserve this delusion that men and sexual deviants are not capable of controlling their sexual urges. Like their dicks rule their brains. Like men are not capable of rising above the hunter-gatherer brain. (I’d be offended if you told me I couldn’t do that, but that’s just me.)

It’s a we need to preserve this hands in the air, ‘I can’t help it’ attitude when it comes to rape.

Instead of just plainly stating the truth, which, no matter what level of assault, is that the perpetrator put his or her needs (sexual or otherwise) above the victim’s needs to the detriment of the victim. Always. That’s violence.

The horrible truth is that a physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually violated woman just does not threaten the status quo of a male dominated society the way a rape conviction does.

The cost of collusion, which starts with the opposite of supporting rape victims, reaches far and wide.

It undermines any lip service that violence is wrong (this includes anti bullying messages to school aged children).

When we collude in perpetuating the myth that rape is about sex, child molesters have a better chance of convincing groomed victims to keep quiet out of shame and fear that the biological response to physical pleasure means s/he wanted it, and therefore somehow became a conspirator, instead of a victim. 

And when the way we perceive rape helps child molesters, it’s a good enough reason for me to do the heavy lifting of helping men accept responsibility for controlling their sexual desires instead of blaming the female victim for wearing that dress or for flirting or for drinking.

Anything less than telling a victim of assault that it’s not his or her fault is blaming the victim, which becomes a win for the perpetrator of each violent crime.

its not too late its just starting 

The physics of major change

I woke up this morning thinking about violence.

There’s violence that we can all agree is violence – war, murder, physically attacking another person.

There’s violence that we haven’t quite labelled as violence en mass. Rape, physically attacking ourselves, verbal, emotional, psychological and spiritual attacks.

There’s violence that many don’t see as violence. Thoughts. Beliefs that lead to actions of exclusion or the opposite of kindness. Prejudice of all kinds (including racism, misogyny, homophobia, ageism and disablism) is a form of violence. (Whether expressed out loud or hidden.)

The definition of racism is the belief that one race is superior and has the right to dominate others.

When someone looks at the color of my skin and assumes that I will laugh at racist jokes, does that person understand why I’m offended? Does s/he understand that -yes, even a ‘harmless joke’ – is based on her/his conscious or subconscious belief that s/he is better than whatever group s/he is belittling?

And the right to dominate others. What the bloody fuck? Who the hell believes they have the right to dominate others?

Do we even know what domination is and how it works and what affects it has on those who are dominated? Do we know where the desire to dominate stems from?

To control, to rule over.

How do people do that? Through violence. Harm. Sometimes obvious. Sometimes subtle.

Now that the world is starting to shift in meaningful ways, we need to talk about violence in new ways.

As attitudes such as racism, misogyny and homophobia become less and less acceptable to a growing number of people, the true core believers of these ideas are holding on tighter.

This is the power and the physics of change.

When one person is used to having something and feels that something is being taken away, s/he will fight. And will see any opposition (such as using our voice, rising up, loving ourselves) as a punch in the face.

So the fight, the power struggle continues.

The only way to end the power struggle is to opt out. Let go of the rope. Stop struggling. Surrender. Which, for those who have experienced oppression, is really fucking hard. And I don’t mean stop advocating or telling the truth or fighting for what is right. I mean there’s no point fighting AGAINST them, but FOR us.

The fight is not against ‘them’. The fight starts within and it’s not allowing those who struggle to accept loss of power and privilege to keep pulling us back into the drama.


This journey strengthens self-love, patience and compassion. To me, that’s worth it.

As we start more conversations about what is acceptable and what is not, people will not change. They will not give up what they feel they deserve to have.

Those who don’t want to be called out as a hater have fallen back on more subtle ways to keep the feeling of entitlement to dominate and to rule over.

Oppression comes in many forms.

There are threats and intimidation as we rise up. Oppressors hate nothing more than an influential voice that shares opinions opposite to the way they want life to be.

When we’re down, there are tactics that influence us to doubt that we are worthy or that we are entitled to the basic human rights of safety, respect, dignity and kindness.

It doesn’t matter anymore who learned what from where or whether the intent is genuine. That is a distraction that keeps us caught in drama.

It’s time to stop. Violence begins to end the second I refuse to allow it in my home, my heart, my mind.

My worth as a human being is not determined on what I can or cannot offer you.

That is such a sad, sideways projection of self-loathing. And it all needs to stop.

Do you know where this desire to oppress, to exclude, to hate or to rule over comes from?

At its root, the desire to oppress comes from helplessness.

When I’m feeling helpless in any situation, when I’m feeling threatened in any way, my survival instincts kick in.

There is a part of me that wants to take control of the situation in some way. To become bigger or smaller than the situation. To feel like I’m doing something to stop it. Even in situations where there is absolutely nothing I can do.

Those who are threatened by loss of power or position react to that feeling of hopelessness within themselves as well.

We have gone on too long in this world with the majority of us living from a fear-based perspective.

But it’s changing. And there is some chaos because of these changes. It’s a sign of progress. It’s a blessing to be alive at this time in history. To be part of this great shift.

In fear, there is only mine or yours. Stepping up or being stepped on. Pray or predator. Domination or submission.

In fear, we cannot believe that true power comes from within and that it is gentle and tender and effective.

From an abundance-based perspective, violence is not required. Ever. Because once we all feel worthy and competent and confident and accepted in our own selves and our own lives, there is no hate.

Abundance starts with self-acceptance. When we cannot accept certain parts of ourselves, we cannot accept this in others.

For example, I am bothered when a friend of mine refuses to see the reality of his relationship with his ex and how it affects his child.

It bothers me because I spent some time in denial. And I haven’t yet learned to fully accept and love that part of me which chose to deny the truth in certain situations.

But that’s where my self work comes in. Instead of expecting that man to change, because I know he won’t, I look within to see why it piques something and I do what I need to do to accept that formerly denied part of myself.

When I do my work, instead of festering about that and then cutting someone off in traffic, I find clarity, peace and true comfort.

And we can all do this. It’s a big step toward accepting our interconnectedness as it is for what it is and what it’s not.

Fuck violence.

Ask for the courage to look within.